I have always kept a journal since childhood. I believe my journals have saved me sometimes. I've decided to share some of my writings that reflect some of my life spent in corporate America. I believe there are many who can identify with these stories.
April 25, 2005
Upon arrival, I do believe... I believe that I just cannot predict too far ahead, although I do sometimes have good intuition. I just hope and pray for the best and I have faith that everything will be alright. Current status? Ear ache, runny nose, skin raw around my nose, over tired, muscles ache... still, looking forward to tomorrow... I have to.
April 26, 2005
6:00 AM, I finally discover that I fell for one of the oldest, cruel hotel tricks... the ol' change the time on the room clock trick, Boy do I feel stupid. I was so tired and feeling so ill when I got in that I didn't realize that the clock was an hour forward. So here I am, showered, dressed and mad. I turned out the light, and laid down to try to catch the rest of the hour I lost in sleep but I couldn't. I have to get my game on today and I feel lousy.
Corporate cruelty! This is the ultimate in corporate arrogance and cruelty. As if it weren't bad enough that for 5 straight weeks in a row I am called by Thursday of Friday and told that I 'might' have to fly to Atlanta, only to be called on Saturday evening this time, and told that I have to fly to Atlanta, and be there by Monday morning. Ugh!
It is beyond my comprehension to realize this predicament I am in at 47 years of age. How in the world is it, that I am forced to train my replacement from India, and now be subjected to the disrespect and manipulation and abuse I am accepting now, in order to stay employed?
FEAR.
4/27/2005
In the midst of this corporate abuse, I ponder whether this is a job to die for.
My ear began to hurt Sunday morning, accompanied by a sore throat on the same side. I felt miserable from sneezing... post nasal drip, inflamed sinuses... the whole 9 yards.
Yet I flew down here to Atlanta anyway... because I need the job. And I also know there is no compassion anymore in a world of fierce competition. I know that being sick could mean the end of this assignment for me. And now I ponder, is this God's way of letting me know it is not the job I should continue to be in. I must consider this possibility. I must let management know I need to go to Urgent Care.
4/28/2005
What I find as totally unbelievable, is a message from my director, asking me how my 'ear emergency' affects things. I don't know why I am amazed at this point, that my health is such a trivial matter... but the job must be had at all costs. We're considered desperate anyway just for accepting this bullshit! They've realized that we have no limits and will lick the crack of corporate ass to stay employed.
This is where they are sadly mistaken. I'll see how far I can go.